Posts Tagged ‘hatred’

“Trapped”
(January 18, 2013)

I’m afraid of everything
Everything that is so true
So serene, so calm, secrets
Truest of me? It’s unreal!

Thoughts are floating in the air
Feelings are hidden deeply
Actions, they’re always controlled
Limited! Chained by motions.

You’re talking, words just fall down
Just as the air, you’re moving
You’re felt, yet nobody cares
Desperate sounds, no one hears.

Here we are, hear the unvoiced
Young people under pressure
Oh, listen! We are lighted
Yet darkness is upon us.

Darkness, gloom, chaos, free us
Our hearts, broken and shackled
Sep’rated from the real world
Lives with unclear purposes.

Pretension! Life’s a big stage
We laugh, we cry, we get mad
Battling everyone for fame
Competing for attention.

A life cycle of drama
It’s time, we need to end this
Compassion, rise up, be freed
Save the earth, rescue yourself.

Yes! We’re trapped to prepare us
For a fight, yet to unfold
We’re trapped by wrong emotions
Trapped by unsettled motives.

O, my friend! Be freed, be freed.

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I’m still working on. I’m not yet so good on writing poems but I’m still working on it. You know, the old saying goes like, “Practice makes perfect.” I’m now interested on it. It’s something different. So, here is my second one. I hope it would sound a lot better and more dramatic than the first one. I love to hear your comments. Criticize it, please!

I feel so sorry when I wrote this one. It is all about hatred. I should not have wrote this. But then, I just want to express my feelings and get this hatred out of my heart. I’m okay now, I feel better, I hope. Reminder: Don’t be reacting so much when reading this. I will put it to trash if so!

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“THE ONE THAT I’M NOT”

(Date written: Feb. O8. 2011)

Yesterday, Feb. 07, 2011, somebody gave me those very inspiring and uplifting words (so ironic!). That person said that I was more than that she expected. Kesyo, ako raw ang worst sa magkakapatid. Ako raw yung laging laman ng church pero nakapasuwail naman sa bahay. Napaka-dominating ko raw. Di ko raw katulad yung mga nakatatanda kong kapatid (well, don’t ever compare me, darling). Ako raw talaga yung worst. Sa susunod daw na bastusin ko siya (even if I did not), pakakainin daw niya ako ng kanyang kamao. Super sumbat din siya sa mga nagawa raw niya sa akin. Kapag daw nagkatrabaho ako, baka raw lalo ko silang pagmalakihan ( I will not). Pinupuri raw ako sa loob ng church at school pero sa bahay, I’m just the worst child. Another person was there also and super sulsol naman siya sa taong nanenermon sa’kin (lintik yan!). I hate being here, but I definitely love being my self. I want to get out of this world that Ive stucked of. I hope I can tell this to them, “Ni minsan ba, did you ever ask me kung bakit ako nagkakaganito? Ever since, you haven’t.” Di ko naman masabi kasi pinandidilatan lang naman niya ako ng mata at dinuduro pa ako, “Walanghiya ka, ANAK LANG KITA, gumaganyan ka. Pa’no pa kaya kung pinapakain mo kami? Walanghiya ka! PALAMUNIN LANG KITA…” Second the motion naman ang other person doon, “Ganyan naman talaga yan, eh!” Di na lang nila sinabi na PLASTIK NA DEMONYO ako (buisit yan!) Nakapag-formulate tuloy ako ng equation,

J=(W1+W2+…Wnth)nth(D1+D2+…Dnth)nth
(P1+P2+…Pnth)nth

Where J is for Jocaz, W is Walanghiya, D is Demonyo ang P is Palamunin. Puro yan ang naririnig ko sa kanila, eh (unlimited, kumbaga!). Ang saya talaga, hano?! Take note, wala silang naririnig sakin habang sinesermunan nila ako. Ni ha, ni ho, wala! (buisit yan! Nasisira buhay ko sa bahay na ito! Lintik yan!). Ito pa, may mga college students sa tapat ng bahay namin na nakatambay at alam ko at paniguradong naririnig nila ang very encouraging and uplifting words of wisdom na iniaalay lamang sakin. Owh! I remember, may nakatatanda daw na nagpapasabi na habang maaga pa daw ay putulin na dapat ang sungay ko. Sa ginagawa nila, di siguro nila naiisip na baka mas lalo pang humaba pag pinagpatuloy nila iyon. (F**k them!). Very annoying, very distracting. Ang lakas makapanira ng araw tuwing naaalala ko yung nangyaring panenermon. So far, magdadalawang oras na ang wlaang habas na pagmumura at panenermon nila sakin. I cannot stand with it anymore! Tinalikuran ko sila without any facial expression and any sound na nagdadabog and went outside the house para kalmahin ang aking damdamin (parang robot nga ako, eh!). I think that will make things better.

I really love being myself and I hate being at house. Actually, I don’t feel anything anymore. Should I say, manhid na ako!” Labas pasok na lang sa mga tenga ko ang panenermon nila, eh!

“MESSAGE FOR THEM: HUWAG NA NILA AKONG PINUPURI SA HARAP NG IBANG TAO KUNG HINDI NAMAN BUKAL SA PUSO. KAPAG WALA NA YUNG MGA TAO, KUNG ANU-ANONG MASASAKIT NA SALITA ANG SINASABI NILA SAKIN, EH. I HAVE MY OWN IDENTITY, I’M UNIQUE. DON’T COMPARE ME WITH OTHERS. THAT’S ALL!”

“……………..maybe I am really bad, but I can change it kung makikita lang nila ang mga magaganda sakin na maaaring natatabunan lang ng masama……………………….”

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(Date written: July 17, 2011)

Thank God, I’ve changed already. I forgave them already and I have been forgiven. Thank you Jesus Christ. This moment, I read it again and felt ashamed at the same time happy. Because I know that I’ve changed and I will never be back to the way I used to be. Sabi ko nga sa mga kabataan na namemeet ko at nakaka-usap, “Let us go the past. Let us shake off the baggage. We will never be forgiven unless we forgive ourselves, accept that we’ve sinned, confess our sins and get up and start moving.” For a youth like us, maybe we are presently undergoing to a very difficult situation that may seem not to have any solution. It will come to a point that we are going to ask God the “why questions”. Lord, “Bakit naman ako pa? Bakit sa’kin mo ibinigay ang ganito kalaking problema? Not me, Lord. NOT ME!” Instead of aking the “why questions”, why don’t we just kneel on a prayer and throw at God the question that can immediately have answers. “Lord, what is your purpose in giving me this problem or letting this to happen? Tell me, Jesus. Tell me what is the right thing to do to glorify your name.” Maybe those questions are better. Ask God what to do, get up and start moving.

Remember. Let go of the past, Shake off the baggage and Get up and start moving.

God Bless us all.