Posts Tagged ‘everything’

There was a moment in my life when I was alone in the house and I was staying inside my room. I was doing nothing, just staring at the ceiling because I was at my bed at that time, suddenly, the tears dropped down from my eyes. I was surprised. I felt that there was something inside of me that wants to explode. It was like…I just really wanted to cry.

Maybe I was crying because there were just too many things that I was thinking of. Past life, experiences, struggles, etch. Well, I’ve got no one to talk with.

Could you be my friend? Could you be that somebody that I could lean on? I’m hoping for that.

” You are too weak for it!
You don’t have the guts to pursue your dreams.
He will definitely not make it, trust me! ”

These are just some of the words that create pressure inside of me. Anytime, it could explode and as expected, it happened. I created a mess. I got mad, angry at the spur of the moment. That thing put a heavy weight on my shoulders. That pressure inside of me created anger and defeated me. I cried hard because of that. I told about this thing to a person that I trust the most.

=+=: Go on, cry. I will let you cry.
+=+: This must not happen. I shouldn’t let this to happen.
=+=: There’s nothing wrong about what you have done. Remember, we are not perfect or good enough to stop our
anger. Even the Lord got mad for once, says in the bible. But the good thing here is, at least you tried to stop
your anger.
+=+: Thank you so much. I feel better now.

It is my weakness when I get mad. There was again a moment in my life when I was inside of my room and of course, being a drama actor again. There was a voice inside my head and said,” Why don’t you try to cut your pulse? Just one time only. ‘Bakit si *** nagawa iyon’ and nothing happened to her. Go on, try it. You will not die with just one slash.” And it happened, I bought a blade at the store near our house, got back inside my room and prepared myself in cutting my pulse. I did it. As I were looking at my bleeding wrist, I felt like along with it was my problem pouring out of my body. I felt like I was really happy in doing that thing. I just don’t know why I allowed that to happen.

There were so many things that I realized because of what happened. You cannot live in a place by just being alone or isolating yourself from others. Look for a friend, the real one. How foolish am I? The friends that I was looking for were already there, waiting for me to approach them. I was just the one who’s hiding. Maybe I’m nowhere right now if I didn’t find them.

Anger is not a bad thing. Being angry is also not bad. That is a natural sensation. The bad thing here is when we do not know how to control or place our anger. The worst will surely follow and we can get our life a big mess. I just have a message for all those people who are in the same situation. Oh please! Do not be a big —— like me, do not be a big fool. Find someone to talk with about something. You know, I really get emotional when it comes about my life. Behind this happy face is another face of mine, meet SADNESS.

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This is not a real story.
I just created it from the experiences of my friends.
I’m happy with my life.
A close friend of mine read it and said,
” Creepy! Don’t ever do it for any reason.”
I just smiled at her.

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“This Is How I Overcome”

Pambihira! It is really hard to play this game we call LIFE. There are just too many stuffs to comply. Many problems but few are solutions.

It is really difficult to communicate with other people especially with those you don’t know the most. What if you told a secret to a person that you thought you can trust the most? A secret about your biggest crush, most embarrassing moment and other things that you don’t want to know by any other people. It means that you are putting a big percent of your trust to that person. Now, this is the question,”What if at the moment that person moved behind you and walking far away from you, you will just suddenly know,’alam na pala ng buong kapaligiran ang sekreto mo’, what are you going to do? Baka mamura mo ako or worse. You know, this situation had already happened to me. From that stage of my life, I learned that you must not put your trust to a person fully. You must know that person very well before putting your trust to him or her. At that, I did nothing because it was too late. It caused me heartaches.

It is also hard to love somebody truly and wholly. Paano ko naman nasabi iyon? Of course, I experienced it. There’s a moment in my life that I loved somebody so much. So much that I already gave my everything, but from her, I got nothing. I did everything to make her mine. I visited her when she needed somebody to talk with, helped her in her studies, made her laugh. In return, I got nothing. Pinagmukha niya akong TANGA.

Because of that experiences in my life about love, I’ve decided,”Tama na, tigilan ko na toh, this might be the end, I will just put my attentions on my studies. I will get nothing if I continue this fantasy.” What do you think? Is that good or not? Kasi, it is better for the both of us if I will focus on my studies and leave this kind of love second in line.

“Ways on how to kill yourself!” Nyek! Gulat ka, hano? You’re not expecting that one to be in here, right? Okay, this is the real thing. It is really hard to die, die from being a KRISTIYANO. On what way of dying? The dying of the fire of the Lord in our hearts. It is difficult to be back again in the heart of worship. But by the Grace of God, we are still here, walking along the path that He told us to.

I am really sad with this happy life. Hu? There are many troubles and challenges in life that we need to conquer that help us to stand firm in able for us to play this game we call LIFE. Basta, set your goals and you’ll surely be successful in your own ways.

(Date Written : August 01, 2010)

“MY BOYFRIENDS”

  1. Jaymart Baltazar                 —->  Mr. No Way
  2. John Paolo Bernardo           —->  The Cute Manace
  3. Joshua Canlas                     —->  The Essayist
  4. Reyamrt Castro                   —->  Mr. Killer Smile
  5. Anthony Bryan Cristobal     —->  The Guy of Under Construction
  6. Draiane del Rosario             —->  The Unknown Specie
  7. Paolo Mendoza                    —->  The Big Boss
  8. Adrian Joseph Tan              —->  Mr. Flirt Image
  9. Emmanuel Ibana                 —->  Master of All Performing Arts
  10. Charles Adrian dela Rosa   —->  Short-Tempered Man (Si Ama)
  11. Rallin Geronimo                   —->  Mr. Class Bunker
  12. Renz Cedrick Santiago        —->  The Unwanted Maniac
  13. Michael Adrian Talens         —->  Mr.  Cutter
  14. Patrick Villanueva                —->  Master of All Bullies
  15. Paolo Santos                       —->  Silent Killer
  16. Robb Sernan Retardo         —->  Geek but Freak
  17. Dustin Sulat                         —->  The Smart One
  18. Francis Abaday                    —->  The Husky Man
  19. Haries Hilario                        —->  The Bomb
  20. Glenn Mar Castro                 —->  Mr. Eyebrows
  21. Jorrald Catahan                   —->  The Attention Seeker

“My Girlfriends”

  1. Kiana Mae Encila                 —->  The Undescribable
  2. Jasmine Arididon                 —->  Student Advisory
  3. Orchel Dizon                        —->  The Songbird
  4. Baby Ann Marquez              —->  The Dancer
  5. Iris Genesis Navarro            —->  Ms. Conscience
  6. Ailene Morante                    —->  Undeniably Happy
  7. Lynette Chaneco                 —->  The Warfreak
  8. Kimberly Mae Reyes            —->  The Artist
  9. Michaela Joyce Mendoza     —->  Ms. Go With The Flow
  10. Geraldine Sanchez               —->  The Rapunzel of the Gang
  11. Junica Solano                       —->  Ms. Red Lipstick
  12. Joylyn Coronel                     —->  The Giver and Given

(to be continued…explanation for each)

(This post is dedicated to my Fourth Year high school classmates, Batch 2011)

“Pledge of Loyalty”

(date written : March 19, 2011)

It’s Thursday, the 31st of March. I’m Joshua, and this is Youth Report live from the COLM Quadrangle. Wait, why am I speaking like that? Why am I wearing this? Why am I standing in front of these beautiful and handsome people? And, what is this occasion? Wait, wait, I should think. Oh, it’s our Graduation Day. I’m so silly. All of us have waited for this day. This is the fruit of all of our hard works. Let me tell you this, “Graduation is the time of completion of one level and moving up to the next level. At this moment, the important graduation is the high school graduation where we, the graduates are honored with a degree or a diploma as a proof that we have successfully completed this school year.” Well, so much for that.

Three years has gone so fast. When we first arrived here at school, when we were 2nd year students, we thought that we already know something in life or we know almost all. We thought that we don’t need more advices. We’re wrong. We know nothing, our teachers helped us realized that we have nothing with our own. At first, it was very difficult for as to unite as one class. We were from different schools, different cultures and different families of course. Those differences were hindrances at first in able for us to change for the better. Our teachers didn’t give up with just because of that. Instead, they used those differences as instruments to bridge-up our different worlds. It was a very long story. Now, we know that we’re emptied, we admitted it. We are now the students that are ready to be filled-up with more know knowledge.

II – Mt. Mayon, I can describe you as, “Puro gala, a year filled with fun and excitement.”

Tugudugguduggud… Can I hear some drum rolls? Our third year life offered us many “pahirap”. Nuknukan ng dami ang mga project na kailangan gawin. There were times that we are not sleeping over night to finish our projects and to pass them on time. Gala moments were limited. We really needed to focus with our studies. That was actually what the school is all about—to study hard. Studying hard helped me a lot. Look where I am standing now. I am standing at shoulders of the giants that taught me all of the stuffs that I know.

III – Australia, “Less gala and fun but more knowledge and hard works.”

Huhuhu… I think I will burst out to tears. After this graduation, I am not anymore a IV – Hope student. Wait, who says I cannot? I can always bring those with memories in my heart. I will graduate from high school but not from being a IV – Hope student. This year, many doors have opened for us. One was, when our school joined the BULPRISA Meet and some of the participants were from IV – Hope, including me. Haha! We thought that third year was the hardest year for us but we’re wrong. The hardest was the last. We had a long week with not enough sleep, gosh! But, it’s okay. We’re done with that. We are now here at final ceremony—The Graduation.

IV – Hope, “Very less gala and fun and excitement but more and more doors, knowledge and hard works.”

We have come to the final stage. I think, I have stated so much.

The real score is this day is our achievement and an achievement for the school, achievement of our teachers. They fulfilled the vision statement of the school, “College of Our Lady of Mercy is home of holistically formed student and community leaders.” They achieved it, they have not failed. They gave everything, sacrificed everything—time, money, knowledge and their heart. Words are not enough to state the things you have done for us but there are so many other ways to express our gratitude to all of the people who molded us this way.

Nobody is perfect in this world, we all know that. But if we keep on doing the good deeds, we will surely become successful. That’s why our teachers are successful in life. I am a student of this school for already three years that’s why I will have the pledge of loyalty.

With all those stuffs that I said, I will promise one thing. I will be loyal to the school. “Loyalty means allegiance permeated with strong and enthusiastic feeling or sentiment. It means loyalty to loved ones; loyalty to superiors; loyalty to constituted authority; loyalty, solid and indivisible, to the country.”

With being loyal, I have a part of this school. I have the objective of obligation. “It is said that if you remove the spirit of loyalty from the members of a command, the unit will collapse like a house of cards.”

I will quote a thought from Elbert Hubbard, The Loyalty Pledge,

“If you work for a man,
in heaven’s name work for him.
Speak well of him
And stand by the institution he represents.
Remember, an ounce of loyalty
is worth a pound of cleverness.
If you must growl, condemn
And eternally find fault,
Why, resign your position.
And when you are on the outside,
Damn to your heart’s content.
But as long as you’re part of that institution,
do not condemn it.
For if you do, the first high wind that comes along
will blow you away.
And probably, you will never why.”

At this moment, I am requesting the graduates to stand and raise their right hand as a sign of promise as we are going to have our Pledge of Loyalty.

We, the graduates of the College of Our Lady of Mercy promise to uphold the dignity, honor and prestige of our school. We will shine more beyond the school walls and will prove that we learned by heart the wisdom and values taught to us in order that we shall turn to be worthy citizens of our country.

We will love our country, the Philippines. We will do our best to become a good Filipino citizen and will be loyal to the cause of our country. We want our country to be ever free and independent and we want our fellow citizens to be ever free and prosperous. When we leave the portals of our Alma Mater, we will work harder and save more, live longer and serve our country joyfully.

We believe in a good strong and fair government. As a citizen, it is our duty to share the load of sacrifice, burden and responsibility. We will turn ourselves from bad vices, obey the law and help the government officials to implement and enforce the law. We will do our best to become an honest, self-supporting and serviceable citizen.

We will always love peace but we will fight for the sake of the right, of the freedom and of the justice. We love our lives but we will gladly die for the sake of our family, our fellow citizen and our God.

As we graduate from the school, we will not condemn the school because we are part of it. We will defend the rights and privileges of the school as sons and daughters of our Alma Mater.

So help us God.

(express your comments and suggestions to improve this one! thank you!)

It’s good to know that other people can realize things you are doing for them. Even if sometimes, dealing with the situation is very difficult or brain-busting. It is also good to know when your sacrifices are not worthless and they are for the greater good. I hate it because I am having so much drama right now(that is not my style in writing!) .  I love to work especially when it is appreciated.

This day,  March 15, 2011, I did a very tiring job and I still need to do it until tomorrow.  I need to teach 4 sections ( 4 classrooms) in our school for their speech choir.  It is actually not my job but I need to do it because of the situation.  Our English teachers were not there because they were busier than me (they were in a very important meeting) . I am exhausted because I am handling 4 sections, I cannot teach them at the same time that’s why I need to transfer from one room to another.  After I teach one stanza for this section, I will go on the other section.  So tiring.  I am not reclamizing (reclamizing? Is that complaining?  Oh yes!) .  I am not complaining, I am just telling you what I feel right now.  I’m tired, sleepy, my head is aching, I’m exhausted.  I am just not in the mood.  Hayz!  Oh, I remember, if you are doing something for others and it is totally voluntary, don’t complain about it.  You accepted it and did it, you know that there’s something in return.  You don’t know specifically what is that thing but you definitely know there is.  It is not actually about the THING itself, but the thing outside it.  Why does that person gave you that thing?  Because you are appreciated, that’ s it.  No matter how big or small the thing that person gave to you, the point is, you are appreciated.  (more thing, thing, thing!  Does it matter?  I don’t know!)

Maybe, I still need to do those things because I am the president of our English Club (does it matter? I don’t know!) .  Even though, I can’t stand it.  No!  I mean. I can stand it because I am still here, in front of my computer and expressing my thoughts (duh!) .  Does it really matter?  I don’t know and I actually don’t care.  Good thing that I am just so happy with my life.  I am gaining the kind of respect that I deserve (i guess…).  THIS IS GOTTA BE A GOOD LIFE!

This is so cool. My legs are shaking. My head is terribly aching. I’m falling to my unconsciousness and I can’t help it. It’s too weird for a teenager like me to conquer the everyday of my life even if I am only having a 5 hour sleep each night and I don’t have the chance to sleep at day because I am so busy doing many school stuffs. It is so cool that I am here, in front of the computer and blogging again. Haha!

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I should save this as a draft, it’s actually not yet done.

haha!

I feel so sorry when I wrote this one. It is all about hatred. I should not have wrote this. But then, I just want to express my feelings and get this hatred out of my heart. I’m okay now, I feel better, I hope. Reminder: Don’t be reacting so much when reading this. I will put it to trash if so!

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“THE ONE THAT I’M NOT”

(Date written: Feb. O8. 2011)

Yesterday, Feb. 07, 2011, somebody gave me those very inspiring and uplifting words (so ironic!). That person said that I was more than that she expected. Kesyo, ako raw ang worst sa magkakapatid. Ako raw yung laging laman ng church pero nakapasuwail naman sa bahay. Napaka-dominating ko raw. Di ko raw katulad yung mga nakatatanda kong kapatid (well, don’t ever compare me, darling). Ako raw talaga yung worst. Sa susunod daw na bastusin ko siya (even if I did not), pakakainin daw niya ako ng kanyang kamao. Super sumbat din siya sa mga nagawa raw niya sa akin. Kapag daw nagkatrabaho ako, baka raw lalo ko silang pagmalakihan ( I will not). Pinupuri raw ako sa loob ng church at school pero sa bahay, I’m just the worst child. Another person was there also and super sulsol naman siya sa taong nanenermon sa’kin (lintik yan!). I hate being here, but I definitely love being my self. I want to get out of this world that Ive stucked of. I hope I can tell this to them, “Ni minsan ba, did you ever ask me kung bakit ako nagkakaganito? Ever since, you haven’t.” Di ko naman masabi kasi pinandidilatan lang naman niya ako ng mata at dinuduro pa ako, “Walanghiya ka, ANAK LANG KITA, gumaganyan ka. Pa’no pa kaya kung pinapakain mo kami? Walanghiya ka! PALAMUNIN LANG KITA…” Second the motion naman ang other person doon, “Ganyan naman talaga yan, eh!” Di na lang nila sinabi na PLASTIK NA DEMONYO ako (buisit yan!) Nakapag-formulate tuloy ako ng equation,

J=(W1+W2+…Wnth)nth(D1+D2+…Dnth)nth
(P1+P2+…Pnth)nth

Where J is for Jocaz, W is Walanghiya, D is Demonyo ang P is Palamunin. Puro yan ang naririnig ko sa kanila, eh (unlimited, kumbaga!). Ang saya talaga, hano?! Take note, wala silang naririnig sakin habang sinesermunan nila ako. Ni ha, ni ho, wala! (buisit yan! Nasisira buhay ko sa bahay na ito! Lintik yan!). Ito pa, may mga college students sa tapat ng bahay namin na nakatambay at alam ko at paniguradong naririnig nila ang very encouraging and uplifting words of wisdom na iniaalay lamang sakin. Owh! I remember, may nakatatanda daw na nagpapasabi na habang maaga pa daw ay putulin na dapat ang sungay ko. Sa ginagawa nila, di siguro nila naiisip na baka mas lalo pang humaba pag pinagpatuloy nila iyon. (F**k them!). Very annoying, very distracting. Ang lakas makapanira ng araw tuwing naaalala ko yung nangyaring panenermon. So far, magdadalawang oras na ang wlaang habas na pagmumura at panenermon nila sakin. I cannot stand with it anymore! Tinalikuran ko sila without any facial expression and any sound na nagdadabog and went outside the house para kalmahin ang aking damdamin (parang robot nga ako, eh!). I think that will make things better.

I really love being myself and I hate being at house. Actually, I don’t feel anything anymore. Should I say, manhid na ako!” Labas pasok na lang sa mga tenga ko ang panenermon nila, eh!

“MESSAGE FOR THEM: HUWAG NA NILA AKONG PINUPURI SA HARAP NG IBANG TAO KUNG HINDI NAMAN BUKAL SA PUSO. KAPAG WALA NA YUNG MGA TAO, KUNG ANU-ANONG MASASAKIT NA SALITA ANG SINASABI NILA SAKIN, EH. I HAVE MY OWN IDENTITY, I’M UNIQUE. DON’T COMPARE ME WITH OTHERS. THAT’S ALL!”

“……………..maybe I am really bad, but I can change it kung makikita lang nila ang mga magaganda sakin na maaaring natatabunan lang ng masama……………………….”

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(Date written: July 17, 2011)

Thank God, I’ve changed already. I forgave them already and I have been forgiven. Thank you Jesus Christ. This moment, I read it again and felt ashamed at the same time happy. Because I know that I’ve changed and I will never be back to the way I used to be. Sabi ko nga sa mga kabataan na namemeet ko at nakaka-usap, “Let us go the past. Let us shake off the baggage. We will never be forgiven unless we forgive ourselves, accept that we’ve sinned, confess our sins and get up and start moving.” For a youth like us, maybe we are presently undergoing to a very difficult situation that may seem not to have any solution. It will come to a point that we are going to ask God the “why questions”. Lord, “Bakit naman ako pa? Bakit sa’kin mo ibinigay ang ganito kalaking problema? Not me, Lord. NOT ME!” Instead of aking the “why questions”, why don’t we just kneel on a prayer and throw at God the question that can immediately have answers. “Lord, what is your purpose in giving me this problem or letting this to happen? Tell me, Jesus. Tell me what is the right thing to do to glorify your name.” Maybe those questions are better. Ask God what to do, get up and start moving.

Remember. Let go of the past, Shake off the baggage and Get up and start moving.

God Bless us all.