“Don’t Let It All Out!”

Posted: May 13, 2011 in hardships of a youth, Something's Wrong!
Tags: , , , , , ,

There was a moment in my life when I was alone in the house and I was staying inside my room. I was doing nothing, just staring at the ceiling because I was at my bed at that time, suddenly, the tears dropped down from my eyes. I was surprised. I felt that there was something inside of me that wants to explode. It was like…I just really wanted to cry.

Maybe I was crying because there were just too many things that I was thinking of. Past life, experiences, struggles, etch. Well, I’ve got no one to talk with.

Could you be my friend? Could you be that somebody that I could lean on? I’m hoping for that.

” You are too weak for it!
You don’t have the guts to pursue your dreams.
He will definitely not make it, trust me! ”

These are just some of the words that create pressure inside of me. Anytime, it could explode and as expected, it happened. I created a mess. I got mad, angry at the spur of the moment. That thing put a heavy weight on my shoulders. That pressure inside of me created anger and defeated me. I cried hard because of that. I told about this thing to a person that I trust the most.

=+=: Go on, cry. I will let you cry.
+=+: This must not happen. I shouldn’t let this to happen.
=+=: There’s nothing wrong about what you have done. Remember, we are not perfect or good enough to stop our
anger. Even the Lord got mad for once, says in the bible. But the good thing here is, at least you tried to stop
your anger.
+=+: Thank you so much. I feel better now.

It is my weakness when I get mad. There was again a moment in my life when I was inside of my room and of course, being a drama actor again. There was a voice inside my head and said,” Why don’t you try to cut your pulse? Just one time only. ‘Bakit si *** nagawa iyon’ and nothing happened to her. Go on, try it. You will not die with just one slash.” And it happened, I bought a blade at the store near our house, got back inside my room and prepared myself in cutting my pulse. I did it. As I were looking at my bleeding wrist, I felt like along with it was my problem pouring out of my body. I felt like I was really happy in doing that thing. I just don’t know why I allowed that to happen.

There were so many things that I realized because of what happened. You cannot live in a place by just being alone or isolating yourself from others. Look for a friend, the real one. How foolish am I? The friends that I was looking for were already there, waiting for me to approach them. I was just the one who’s hiding. Maybe I’m nowhere right now if I didn’t find them.

Anger is not a bad thing. Being angry is also not bad. That is a natural sensation. The bad thing here is when we do not know how to control or place our anger. The worst will surely follow and we can get our life a big mess. I just have a message for all those people who are in the same situation. Oh please! Do not be a big —— like me, do not be a big fool. Find someone to talk with about something. You know, I really get emotional when it comes about my life. Behind this happy face is another face of mine, meet SADNESS.

———————————————————————————————————————

This is not a real story.
I just created it from the experiences of my friends.
I’m happy with my life.
A close friend of mine read it and said,
” Creepy! Don’t ever do it for any reason.”
I just smiled at her.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s